How To Stop Your Mind From Crushing Someone Else
Crush, also called puppy love, is an occasional term for feelings of mild or unrequited romantic or sexual attraction, often felt towards a puppy during early childhood and/or adolescence. It’s named for the resemblance to a puppy’s adoring, sometimes worshipful affection. It’s often felt as a desire for the puppy to repeat the loving feeling, and perhaps the puppy’s owner. The puppy is often showered with love and affection, and may be repeatedly carried to different places on a leash just to display the dog’s affections. When the puppy is grown, it often feels abandoned by the owner who, although he/she may still like the puppy, finds himself not able to provide the puppy with the attention it craves.
So just what are these crush feelings? Although some people label them as romantic feelings, they really aren’t. Crushes arise from situations in which a person feels a deep desire for someone else in a platonic relationship – but doesn’t feel safe with that person because of past problems. The crush feels as if he/she has not yet developed the relationship skills needed to “prove” that he/she is worthy of the other person, and therefore feels insecure about the crush’s potential exclusivity. These crushes usually last a short time, and then fade, but can persist for much longer.
In children, crushes are often formed because of past bullying or teasing. They might imagine themselves as the target of the other person’s crushes, and this creates a longing for approval and security. If their parent’s approval is not forthcoming, a child can feel the need to secure it somehow – and that usually leads to a crush on the same person. Other crushes are caused by past relationship difficulties: a couple might imagine they are stuck together because neither of them can stand to have another person around, and that leads them to forming a crush on another person who seems capable of fulfilling their need for approval.
When crushes manifest, there are several factors at work. First, it might be that the object of your affections turns out to be someone who does not fulfill your needs. This leads to a constant longing for his/her attention, friendship, and other “important qualities” that you think a good relationship should provide. Second, you might realize that the other person “does” share your interests – but that still leaves you dissatisfied with his/her attitude toward you. Finally, you may find yourself attracted to a special person because you believe that you need him/her in a way that you cannot provide.
It takes maturity to admit to yourself that you just do not want to spend every time you have with that special person with feeling attached to him/her. And, finally, it takes time to get older (and accept that feelings are not always soluble) before you are ready to truly admit to another person that you want to get older before spending time with him/her. As it turns out, in many cases this is the best way to avoid crush syndrome.
If you are dating someone and you suddenly start developing crush or similar feelings for him/her, just stop doing anything that indicates you are attracted to that person. Go out with your friends and let loose. Do not tell anyone you are crushing or that you feel like you are destined to be crushy forever.