If you’ve ever had a crush, you know how it can make your stomach feel queasy, and your heart beat fast. It’s an intense, short-lived infatuation with someone, and if you’re lucky, it may lead to something more. A crush can be a fun experience, but it can also cause anxiety and even depression. This is because our feelings can get out of control, especially if you’re already in a committed relationship.
While there’s no clinical definition of what separates a crush from a romantic interest, a New York City-based therapist tells SELF that there are certain characteristics to look out for. For starters, a crush is usually unreciprocated, and the person you’re crushing tends to be based on fantasies and assumptions rather than real-life observations, she says.
According to the therapist, you can identify a crush by certain physical and emotional reactions. For example, if you’re blushing a lot when your crush is around or if you can’t seem to stop staring at them, those are signs that your feelings are getting out of hand. You might also develop a craving for the person’s company and start thinking about them all the time.
When you have a crush, it can increase your levels of serotonin and dopamine. Those are known as happy chemicals and can help you feel connected to the person, but too much can also make you anxious, Kate Truitt, a licensed clinical psychologist and applied neuroscientist in Pasadena, Calif. “Crushes are a high-arousal experience,” she says, because they can cause the amygdala—the part of your brain responsible for emotions and impulse control—to be active. This can lead to a heightened sense of danger and fear of rejection, which is why they’re so hard to manage.
You might be surprised to hear that even people in monogamous relationships can have crushes. Those who do often report a feeling of guilt or shame for having feelings for someone else, though it’s important to recognize that it’s normal. However, a crush should never be a reason to end your current relationship, therapists say.
There are a few ways to deal with your crush, and one of the most important is to talk about it. Having an honest conversation with your crush can help you determine whether or not your feelings are serious, and it will also give them a chance to explain their own. “If you are both able to have open and honest conversations, the most likely outcome is that your crush will decide that they do not want to pursue their feelings for you,” a licensed marriage and family counselor in San Diego tells SELF.
With a likable cast and sunny cinematography, Crush is a solid entry in the teen rom-com genre. But it doesn’t do enough to distinguish itself from other films that have gone before it. Its depiction of Paige’s homosexuality is especially disappointing, as is the way it treats the idea of a sexual relationship with AJ as no different than any other one it portrays with its cast of young teenagers.