A crush is a temporary and intense infatuation with someone that makes you feel all kinds of emotions. It’s like when you see a movie that makes you cry, swoon or have butterflies in your stomach. Crush can happen in any situation, and it’s not just a product of raging teenage hormones. It can occur even when you’re a fully-fledged adult—and it can also be triggered by a person you’ve known for a long time. It can affect your work life, social life, or even your friendships. But whether you’re crushing on a friend, coworker or romantic partner, the feeling can be uncomfortable and difficult to control.
In fact, the term “crush” is actually a verb with multiple meanings: to smash or grind something into small pieces, to feel overwhelmed by someone’s attention, and to be engulfed by an emotion or desire. It’s not surprising, then, that crush is so recognizable in teen movies, where the protagonist’s feelings are often the root of their problems.
What happens when you have a crush can vary from person to person, but most people go through three generic stages: denial, accepting their feelings, and obsession. In the early stages, you might notice yourself casually thinking of your crush or mentioning them in conversations. You might even make eye contact or send them a message. But you’re still in denial, claiming that these thoughts and actions are just part of your socializing with your friends.
As your feelings grow, you’ll start obsessing about your crush, trying to find out as much as possible about them. You might stalk their social media or ask your mutual friends about them. You’ll think about them all the time and dream about spending time with them. You’ll replay the last time you saw them or talked to them. If you’re normally a talkative person, your crush may have you claming up – and not in a good way.
Your crush isn’t going away any time soon, but you’ll have to learn how to manage your feelings and your behavior around them. The best way to do that is to take things slow — especially when it comes to flirting. If you’re a natural flirt, it’s likely that your crush will pick up on this too and want to take the relationship to the next level.
But the next stage is just as important, because this is when you decide whether or not to move forward with your crush. And this is when it’s critical to evaluate your goals and current situations, such as your relationships (if you have any) and your career, if it’s a workplace crush. You also need to think about whether your crush is the right fit for you. For example, if you’re looking for a romantic relationship, you’ll need to know that your crush is single and not in a committed one. And if you’re hoping for a work collab, be sure your crush is open to that type of relationship too.