Love, in one form or another, is a universal human experience. It’s the inspiration for songs, poetry, movies and novels. It’s the subject of many religious, philosophical and scientific explorations. And yet, it remains a difficult concept to define.
Depending on the dictionary you consult, love can mean everything from the feeling of attraction to feelings of kinship or companionship. It can also refer to romantic or platonic love between adults or to a child’s affection for a favorite toy or superhero.
Some biological models see it as a mammalian drive, similar to hunger or thirst. But psychological theories tend to view it more as a social and cultural phenomenon, shaped by hormones and pheromones such as oxytocin and neurotrophins.
Regardless of the definition you prefer, it’s important to understand the differences between lust and true love. To love someone is to care deeply for them and be invested in their well-being. It’s a powerful bond that can lead to emotional and even physical intimacy. This type of love requires trust, mutual admiration and a sense of security that comes from knowing each other very well.
On the other hand, lust is the feeling of attraction and desire, usually for physical intimacy. It’s the reason you feel flushed, your palms get sweaty and your heart races when you meet someone you find attractive. In a relationship, this can lead to problems if you don’t distinguish it from true love.
In addition to the feeling of euphoria, lust also triggers the release of adrenaline and norepinephrine. As you become bonded to this person, however, these hormones are replaced with dopamine and oxytocin (the ‘cuddle’ hormone), and your brain begins to associate them with happiness. This is when you may begin to make long-term plans and imagine a future together.
While you can still enjoy the physical pleasures of your partner, lust must be balanced with love and affection. Otherwise, you risk becoming a co-dependent victim of your own insecurities. For example, if you love someone but they don’t return your affections in the same way, it can cause problems like insecurity and jealousy.
Developing true love in a relationship isn’t always easy. It takes time to learn about the person you’re dating and build a sense of security that allows you to open up. But the rewards can be great. Research shows that couples who share a strong mutual admiration for each other and work hard to maintain the integrity of their relationships are happier and healthier than those who don’t.