A crush can be amazing and agonizing at the same time – a thrilling mix of exhilaration and anxiety, boldness and insecurity, hope and fear. Sometimes it blossoms into something more, and other times it goes unrequited, leaving you in a rut that may last for years. Either way, a crush can teach you about yourself and your needs.
When you develop a crush, your brain produces chemicals that stimulate the ventral tegmental area and cause the feeling of infatuation. This leads to a physiological response, including suppressed hunger and sleep cues, elevated heart rate, increased blood pressure, and heightened alertness. You also experience a sense of giddiness and excitement when you think about your crush, as well as a desire to spend more time with them.
While the specific emotions that accompany a crush are different for everyone, most people go through three generic reactions: denial, acceptance of feelings, and obsession. During the denial phase, you’ll casually mention your crush to friends and family and say they’re just a friend. But you’ll begin to feel the need to talk about them more and more, and find yourself thinking about them throughout the day.
During the acceptance stage, you’ll recognize that your feelings are real and start to allow yourself to believe they could be reciprocated. You’ll also start to notice their positive qualities, even if your perception of them is flawed. “Crushes can make you look at someone through a rose-colored lens and see only their good points,” says psychologist and author Dr. Anna Machin.
At this point, you’ll start to feel overwhelmed and nervous about how your crush will react. You may even start to feel paranoid, which is a sign of high-stress. Your palms will start to sweat and your knees might shake. You might also become tongue-tied when your crush is around.
The last stage of a crush is obsession. Once you’ve accepted your feelings and begun to act on them, it can be hard to stop fantasizing about your crush and obsessing over everything they do. You might start to stalk them or follow their social media accounts in an attempt to see what they’re up to. You might obsess over their music, fashion choices, and work.
While you shouldn’t ignore your feelings, it’s important to distract yourself and find other things that bring you joy. For example, you might try taking up a new hobby or joining a club to meet other people who share your interests. Alternatively, you might talk to a counselor or therapist who can help you learn to process your feelings in a healthy and productive way. They can also teach you ways to enjoy activities without relying on the person you like.