Whether it’s on a celebrity, your best friend’s new boyfriend or a neighbor you’ve been eyeing for awhile, having a crush is often a fun and harmless way to channel your romantic yearning. But for many, it’s a serious business—one that can be as taxing and complicated as any other long-term relationship.
While the concept of crush is a normal and even healthy part of human development, it’s important for parents to help kids understand that their feelings are complicated and that crushing on someone doesn’t automatically make you an infatuate. As kids approach puberty, it’s also an opportunity to help them develop a more realistic definition of love and how relationships work.
As adults, it’s easy to forget what a complicated emotional and psychological affair a crush can be. But it’s something that everyone goes through at least once in their lives. When unrequited, a crush can leave you feeling like a failure or worse still, crushed. But when your crush reciprocates your feelings, it can give you a confidence boost that can make you feel on top of the world.
Crush is a well-intentioned movie that features likable actors and an inclusive cast, but it ultimately fails to deliver the goods when it comes to its main objective: Giving queer kids a mainstream, happy ending romance that doesn’t force them to compromise their identity or beliefs.
The movie begins with Paige Evans, an aspiring artist and sapphic protagonist, passionately clinging to her fifth-grade crush on Gabby Campos. When she is forced to join the school track team, her life takes an unexpected turn as she discovers a newfound connection with her fellow runners.
But is it a love story or a disaster waiting to happen? Crush does have one visual flourish that is worth mentioning, the moment when Paige’s line of vision fills with sprays of water color as Gabby walks into view. Unfortunately, it’s a rare moment of genuine feeling in the otherwise predictable, overly familiar film.
When it comes to a crush, hormones play a big role. When you meet someone who sparks interest, the chemical in your brain called serotonin levels change, explains Kate Truitt, a clinical psychologist and applied neuroscientist specializing in relationships and sexuality at SELF. This change in the body’s natural fight-or-flight response causes anxiety, destabilizing your emotions and keeping you on high alert, ready to fight for the object of your affection.
In this case, the fear of rejection causes your adrenaline to rise, making you hyperaware and on edge. These physical changes can also trigger panic attacks and other anxiety-based disorders in those who are vulnerable. The combination of these feelings can be overwhelming, resulting in a toxic stress response that can be difficult to break free from.