A crush is a special, infatuating type of love or attraction. It’s often characterized by feelings of excitement and giddiness that occur when we think about or talk to our crush. It can be hard to control, especially when we know that our crush is already in a relationship or that there’s little to no chance of being able to have a relationship with him or her. It can lead to the kind of butterflies, rapid swings of emotion, and highs and lows that we see in teen movies (think Mean Girls bus crashes or Titanic romances).
According to a popular lay definition, “crush” is an intense but unrequited desire to be intimately involved with someone who you find appealing and special. Crush is a natural outpouring of our own sexual instincts and desires for love and social connection. It’s okay to feel this way, as long as you recognize that it isn’t healthy to act on it.
In a study conducted by the American Psychological Association, researchers examined the difference between crushes felt by people in established relationships with exclusivity and those of people who were single. They restricted their sample to crushes on individuals that the participants knew or could potentially interact with, thereby eliminating fantasies and celebrity crushes. They also looked at how much time was spent on the person you had a crush on, and whether or not they were an active part of your daily life.
When you crush on someone, your body produces the happy chemicals dopamine and endorphins. These are the same neurotransmitters that help you feel good when you have a hug from your best friend or win a competition at your favorite jiu-jitsu gym. These are good things, but if you spend too much time on your crush, they can start to make you feel anxious or unhappy in other ways, such as when they make small mistakes or when they don’t respond quickly to text messages.
One of the best ways to deal with a crush is to find activities that distract you from them, like working on a hobby, going out with friends, joining a local group, or volunteering. This will help you focus on what’s important to you and teach you how to enjoy life without the person who has your attention. If you’re struggling to find something to do or if your feelings are too intense, try talking with a counselor who can teach you new coping skills and offer support. You can also ask your healthcare provider for a referral to a counseling professional.